Understanding the Impact of Ghosting on Men’s Mental Health
In today’s dating world, “ghosting” and “situationships” have become unsettlingly common. Ghosting has become an all-too-common phenomenon, and its impact on men’s mental health can be profound. If you’ve been left hanging without a word from someone you cared about, you know how confusing and painful it can feel. As a psychotherapist working with men in Sydney, I regularly see how these experiences can leave lasting marks, impacting self-esteem and causing anxiety, loneliness, and sometimes even depression. Ghosting isn’t just frustrating; it can lead to deep emotional pain, especially for those who may already struggle with emotional vulnerability or rejection.
But it’s possible to heal and move forward. Here’s a look at why ghosting affects us so deeply and practical steps you can take to regain your emotional balance.
Coping with the Emotional Impact of Ghosting
It’s never easy to deal with ghosting, and processing it can take time. However, there are positive steps you can take to start feeling better.
Rid Yourself of Blame
When someone disappears suddenly, it’s common to feel embarrassed or regretful. You may even blame yourself, wondering if something you did caused their silence. But ghosting isn’t a reflection of your worth. In most cases, it speaks more to the other person’s inability to confront difficult conversations or express their true feelings.
Studies reveal that experiencing unexpected rejection, like ghosting, can lead individuals to internalise negative emotions and erode self-confidence (Mills & Turnbull, 2019; Timberlake, 2021). You might be tempted to put up emotional walls to protect yourself from being hurt again or even consider giving up on dating altogether. However, taking a moment to regroup and extend kindness to yourself is essential. Ghosting is not your fault, and you are not to blame for someone else’s inability to communicate openly. Taking time to reflect and accept that it’s about their limitations—not yours—can help you move forward with a lighter heart.
Nix the Shame
Feelings of shame often surface after ghosting because it stirs up memories of past rejections. Ghosting can activate old wounds, sometimes reminding us of betrayals we’ve experienced from people we trusted in the past.
Research shows that ghosting can indeed mimic past emotional wounds, especially in those who have faced rejection or loss before (Smith & Katz, 2020). To heal, self-compassion is crucial. Recognize that it’s natural to feel hurt and that there’s no shame in experiencing these emotions. Ghosting is a painful experience, but it doesn’t define your value. Give yourself the same compassion you’d offer a friend, and remember that feeling unseen says more about the ghoster’s actions than your own worth.
Choose Self-Care
Moving forward requires self-compassion and a focus on what brings you joy and connection. Spend time with supportive friends and family, take up a hobby you enjoy, or try activities like yoga or meditation to stay grounded. Physical activity and hobbies you love are powerful ways to rebuild your resilience and find joy in the moment.
Research suggests that maintaining social connections and engaging in physical activities can significantly boost mental well-being after emotional distress (Cohen & Sherman, 2021; Burke & Sarama, 2020). Reframe your view of the ghoster and the relationship. When someone ghosts, they violate the mutual respect that a healthy relationship requires. This can serve as a reminder that they were not the right person for you, which can be a liberating realisation.
Build Resilience
Resilience is vital in handling the emotional toll of ghosting. A balanced lifestyle can aid recovery—prioritise healthy nutrition, exercise, and quality sleep, and practice mindfulness to manage your thoughts and emotions. Focusing on things that bring meaning and purpose into your life, like setting personal goals or pursuing new interests, can boost mood and foster a sense of connection with others.
Research shows that practices promoting resilience, like regular exercise, healthy eating, and mindfulness, are effective for mental health, reducing stress and fostering a sense of well-being (McEwen, 2019; Watkins & Ruskin, 2022). Use this time to nurture yourself and reinforce that your worth is independent of someone else’s behaviour.
What Does Ghosting Say About a Person?
While ghosting has become normalised, it often reveals more about the ghoster’s internal struggles than the person being ghosted. For some, it may stem from a lack of communication skills or discomfort with vulnerability. In other cases, it may indicate self-centredness or inconsideration, as they fail to recognise the impact of their actions.
Studies indicate that those who ghost may have insecure attachment styles or avoidant behaviours that prevent them from forming stable emotional connections (Levy & Kelly, 2020; Roberts et al., 2022). It’s important to recognise that ghosting is often about the ghoster’s unresolved issues and may reflect insecurities or personal struggles. Regardless, it’s not a measure of your worth. Understanding this can help you feel less impacted by the experience and view it as a learning opportunity for your future relationships.
Is Ghosting Emotional Abuse?
Ghosting can feel like a form of emotional cruelty, as it leaves people with unanswered questions and no opportunity to make sense of the experience. This kind of silent treatment can cause immense pain, leaving you feeling helpless and isolated. When there’s no communication, your mind may jump to countless explanations, and you’re left with sadness, confusion, and even anger.
Research shows that ghosting threatens basic emotional needs, such as feeling valued and connected, which can take a toll on self-esteem and well-being (Kross et al., 2021; Baumeister & Leary, 2020). In situations where ghosting causes significant emotional distress, it’s essential to prioritize self-compassion and support. Seek out professional help if the experience feels overwhelming or you find it difficult to move on.
Ghosting in Sydney’s Gay Dating Scene: Navigating Unique Challenges and Finding Resilience
In Sydney’s dynamic and diverse LGBTQIA+ community, ghosting has become an increasingly common experience in the dating landscape. For gay men, the sudden disappearance of a romantic interest can feel like a deep rejection, amplifying emotions like loneliness, confusion, and self-doubt. The absence of closure can bring about a sense of invisibility and can even trigger memories of past social exclusion or stigma, which many gay men may have experienced in their personal lives. This can make ghosting feel intensely personal and, at times, even destabilizing.
At Counselling and Psychotherapy Services for Men, I help clients process these unique challenges and focus on cultivating resilience. Moving forward from ghosting often involves understanding that this behavior usually reflects the ghoster’s own discomfort or insecurities—not the worth of the person being ghosted. Therapy can assist gay men in building self-compassion and identifying supportive social connections, which are vital for emotional resilience. Studies confirm that having strong, affirming networks can help combat the effects of ghosting, restoring a sense of community and self-worth (Green & Ryan, 2022).
Recognising your value outside of romantic relationships and connecting with others who share similar experiences are essential steps toward healing. Sydney’s LGBTQIA+ support groups, community events, and affirming friendships can be instrumental in rebuilding self-esteem and finding joy beyond dating setbacks.
Moving Forward
If you’ve experienced ghosting, remember that your feelings are valid and worthy of care. Therapy can provide the tools to work through the complex emotions surrounding modern dating challenges like ghosting. At Counselling and Psychotherapy Services for Men, I provide a safe space where men can process their experiences, regain confidence, and rebuild resilience. Healing is possible, and taking steps toward understanding and self-compassion is the first move forward.