Loneliness is more than a mere feeling; it’s a profound and pervasive public health issue that affects individuals across the globe. Recently, the World Health Organisation (WHO) declared loneliness a global public health concern, highlighting its severe impact on our health and well-being. The WHO’s international commission on loneliness, led by prominent figures such as Dr. Vivek Murthy, US Surgeon General, underscores the gravity of this issue. The effects of loneliness on mortality are alarming, equating to the harm caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Understanding Loneliness

Loneliness is not just about being alone; it’s about feeling disconnected from others. It’s a subjective experience of social isolation that can affect anyone, regardless of age or social status. According to Dr. Michelle H Lim of the Australian Coalition to End Loneliness, loneliness is more about the quality of our relationships than the quantity. This means you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, or be alone and not feel lonely at all.

The Health Implications

The health risks associated with loneliness are significant. In older adults, loneliness is linked to a 50% increased risk of developing dementia and a 30% increased risk of coronary artery disease or stroke. Young people are also affected, with loneliness contributing to higher dropout rates from university and poorer job performance. The effects of loneliness are not confined to mental health alone; they extend to physical health, increasing the risk of decreased immunity, elevated blood pressure, and faster progression of diseases like Alzheimer’s.

Loneliness in Australia

In Australia, loneliness has been identified as the next public health epidemic. Dr. Michelle H Lim emphasises that loneliness affects both young adults and older adults, the two most vulnerable age groups. This can seem counterintuitive given that young adults are often perceived as being socially active. However, significant life transitions such as starting a new job or moving out can disrupt social networks, leading to feelings of isolation.

Addressing the Issue

Addressing loneliness requires a multi-faceted approach. It’s not enough to simply encourage social interaction. Effective interventions must address the underlying social anxieties and maladaptive beliefs that contribute to loneliness. Cognitive-behavioural interventions that focus on these aspects, combined with opportunities for meaningful social interaction, have shown promise.

In clinical practice, it’s essential to accurately identify and assess loneliness. Clinicians need to distinguish between loneliness and related conditions like depression. Tools such as the UCLA Loneliness Scale can be useful in assessing the severity of loneliness and tailoring appropriate interventions.

The Role of Technology

The rise of digital technology has paradoxically increased feelings of loneliness for some, despite making us more connected than ever. It’s not just about the amount of digital interaction but the quality. Maintaining meaningful connections through digital platforms and developing offline relationships from online interactions can help mitigate feelings of loneliness.

Future Directions for Australia

Australia is taking steps to address loneliness, with government programs aimed at connecting older adults with volunteers. However, there is a need for more comprehensive, evidence-based solutions. Learning from initiatives like the UK’s Campaign to End Loneliness can provide valuable insights into tackling this issue.

Conclusion

Loneliness is a complex, multifaceted issue that requires a coordinated public health approach. By understanding and addressing the underlying causes and providing meaningful social opportunities, we can mitigate the adverse effects of loneliness. As a psychotherapist in Sydney, I am committed to supporting men in overcoming loneliness and fostering connections that enhance their overall well-being.

If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness, please reach out for support. Together, we can build a more connected and healthier community.

Personal Reflection and Solutions

But what about solutions? What can we do to cope? There is no denying the existential fact that we are solitary bodies, but there are constructive ways to help heal or at least soothe the emotions that make us feel alone.

Here’s a partial list of constructive activities that will help you recognise, acknowledge, and cope with existential loneliness:

1. Find a therapist — If your feelings cause you a lot of pain, psychotherapy can help tremendously. When you dig down to where and when your feelings started, you can speak to them in a higher-self-to-inner-child dialogue that soothes those painful memories. I have been doing this and found some relief, and I also identified some early thoughts I’ve carried throughout adulthood, undercutting my self-esteem and causing inner pain. You may need a therapist who recognises and knows how to deal with CPTSD. At Counselling and Psychotherapy Services for Men, I am here to help you navigate through these feelings and work towards a healthier mental state. Please don’t hesitate to contact me for support.
2. Analyze yourself — If you can’t find or afford a therapist, you can still read up on CPTSD and methods for treating it. Google it and start reading. One of the best and easiest methods for me is letting my higher self speak to my emotional self (sometimes called “inner child”). Search for “inner child meditations” to find resources that will guide you in soothing that wounded little one within.
3. Mindfulness — You can either do full meditation in which you sit still and focus on your breathing, which is very relaxing, or you can just show special attention to your breathing and your surroundings while you are walking or otherwise active. Focusing on what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch while also breathing deeply and gently pushing away any thoughts helps you experience the present moment fully and deeply.
4. Recognising Oneness — Mindfulness and reading about mindfulness often lead to recognising spiritual Oneness. Even as we are physically separate, spirituality teaches us that on a spiritual or soul level, there are inexplicable interconnections. Mindfulness and reading on this subject can help us recognise the interconnections, actually feel them in some deep inner place that is difficult to explain but beautiful to experience. I sometimes come to joyful tears recognising this Oneness with a few people I’m closest to or with creatures and creation.
5. Ground yourself — There are many forms of grounding, as Katrina Stone describes. A quick, simple way to ground yourself: look around and identify 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, and something pleasant to smell (or imagine a smell such as roses). Grounding pulls you away from anxious or lonely thoughts and focuses your mind in the moment.
6. Walking in nature or any exercise — This is a primary emotional pain reliever for me. Walking releases endorphins, which make you feel good! Any kind of exercise does this, so do whatever exercise you like best, but walking is easy for most of us. Also, nature is a natural healing balm for the human soul. Being out in a park or forest, especially near water with those gurgling, rippling sounds, just makes you feel better.
7. Find something satisfying and rewarding to do — A hobby, music, gardening, anything hands-on will focus your attention and tend to alleviate loneliness.
8. Engage with real or virtual friends — Do things with friends or chat with online friends if they are available. For me the loneliness happens often when friends are not available, so this is a double-edged sword. Additionally, too much computer time is dissociating for me, so I try not to spend too much time on apps like Facebook, especially if nobody is around to chat. It just pulls you in and makes you feel more lonely, looking for something or someone who isn’t there.
9. Write something — Do what I’m doing. Write an article about your feelings that will help others. Or journal about it to at least get the feelings out where you can look at them and maybe begin to assuage the pain.

I hope any or all of these things will help you if you feel lonely. Our society tends to favor excessive activity to avoid feeling lonely. That’s an unproductive approach because it leaves the pain hidden within where it never heals. Take time to look within, find the sources of your pain, and work on healing those wounds.

Then when those inevitable moments of existential loneliness do show up, you’ll know where they come from. Sit with them a while, acknowledge and speak to that hurt inner child. Let the feelings be there for a bit. Then pick one of your favorite ways to recover from the list above or create your own, and start moving forward toward a better day.